Tuesday, July 31, 2007

A dream


I know your dream won't come true so I buy a dream for you.


I know my dream won't come true but I also buy a dream for myself.


You suggest to let your dream come true depends on our luck. However, I even don't have the courage to take this gamble.....or I don't like gambling.



At last both of us lose.


There is no 'two wins' in the world....at least in my world.



Wednesday, July 25, 2007

情意結

我一直認為就算工作幾辛苦, 吃多少死貓, 不可以在工作時哭泣, 尤其是在老闆面前, 這是軟弱的表現。

但怎麼我又再一次在上司面前哭起來?真沒用…

沒辦法, 平時我與他話不算多, 一走進房, 說了兩句, 被他一語中的, 我己用盡辦法忍住了淚…..

有些東西, 我是有份情意結的…..例如這裡, 別人都會問我為什麼還在這裡, 我想走, 但也有留的原因, 也有份情意結…所以我仍然在此…

又例如電話, 用了很久, 別人叫我換新型號, 不想換, 喜歡新事物的我, 卻對它有份情意結…..

不過今天還是買了新電話…..Sony Ericsson W660i….
很久沒用新電話, Sales對我說了很多很複雜的組合及價錢, 我聽到一頭霧水呢!

然後開始學習用新電話的功能…我當然感到雀躍…


但我沒有賣掉舊電話, 對於別人不值錢, 但對於我是很有價值的東西, 我為什麼要賣掉它?
我仍愛我的舊電話, 除了因為小小的電話有手寫板外, 也是因為它陪伴我渡過了最艱苦的日子, 我怎樣跌它都沒有離我而去….

不過人總要向前走, 真的是時候要換機了…..

Saturday, July 21, 2007

書展2007

本來沒有打算去, 因為我還有很多書未看, 又覺得要付入場費, 要買書的話也可以在書局買。

不過最後還是去湊熱鬧了….

晚上8時才進去, 想不到逛著逛著, 都已經到11時多了…..真的腿都酸軟….
見到有很多人出了新書, 識寫同不識寫都有, Race, Jade, Niki, Teresa, 少爺占, 貽興王, 連區偉倫都有?

見到林夕的書, 我二話不說就買了….

最後去了田園攤檔, 一口氣買了幾本英文書, 因為實在便宜….

我現在才發覺原來沒有買到One more day, 明明曾經拿過上手。

沒辦法…書是我的精神食糧.....

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Scripts of "Before Sunset"

Jesse: Life's hard. It's supposed to be. If we didn't suffer, we wouldn't learn a thing, you know?
......
Celine: ......Sometimes I put things in drawers inside my head and forget about it. I guess it's less painful to put things away than live with it. I'm sorry.
........

Celine: It made me realize I haven't changed much at all.

Jesse: Right, uh, as soon as people had gotten used to their new situation, uh, they were more or less the same.

Celine: The same?

Jesse: Well, yeah. Like, uh, if they were basically an optimistic, jovial person, they're now an optimistic, jovial person in a wheelchair. If they're a petty, miserable asshole, okay, they are a petty, miserable asshole with a new Cadillac, a house and a boat.

Celine: Hmm. So you mean I'll be forever depressed no matter what great things happen in my life?

Jesse: Definitely.

.............

Celine: I'm happy you're saying that, because, I mean, I always feel like a freak because I'm never able to move on like (snap finger) this, you know? People just have an affair, or even entire relationships, they break up and they forget. They move on like the would have changed brand of cereals. I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with, because each person had their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That's why I'm very careful with getting involved because....it hurts to much. Even getting laid, I actually don't do that. I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I'm obsessed with little things. Maybe I'm crazy, but when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late to school. One day, she followed me to see why. I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees, rolling on the sidewalk, or, ants crossing the road, the way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk. Little things....I think it's the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each of them that move me and that I miss and....will always miss. You can never replace anyone because everyone is made of such beautiful, specific details......

.......

Celine: Like, I, I'm, I'm a strong independent woman in my professional life. I don't need a man to feed me, but I still need a man to love me and that I could love, you know? ....


~ Scripts from the film"before sunset" ~


I don't know why this dialogue is still swinging in my head.

I was so shocked after hearing this conversation..... do I have the same feeling with Celine? I asked myself.....

~ to be continued ~

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Action taken!

今日終於下了決定, 亦作出了行動。

我不再理會旁人怎樣說, 也不想再解釋太多…..
或者這不是一個最好的辦法, 又或者我只是重覆自己的路….

箇中痛苦、辛酸、只有自己最清楚, 我想我己考慮清楚, 我不會後悔我所有的決定……

順帶也感謝曾關心過我或嘗試關心我的人, 相熟與不算相熟… 我是感受到的。

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

女人本色


終於今日交了CAS, 可惜還是星期二, 連續上了17天班, 今日終於可以七點幾走。

今日看了「女人本色」, 又是十年香港變遷的故事……

故事圍繞著主角梁詠琪, 由97年開始, 她升做CFO, 經歷了這十年香港所發生的大事, 包括九七回歸、金融風暴、負資產、裁員、沙士等等, 當中各樣事件都有犠牲者, 女主角的親人朋友也相繼地離去, 當中她也承受了很大的壓力, 在她最失意想自殺時, 原來也有轉機…於是, 也有不感人的場面...


十年….
最近很少想過去的時候, 看了好幾套十年的電影, 看著一幕又一幕的過去大事件的片段, 我也不禁暗歎, 原來我也經歷這麼多了…..

我小時候的夢想是成為女強人, 女人當然有她的本色, 但這已不是我的夢想了….如果成為了梁詠琪般能幹, 成為女強人, 卻沒有了家庭….我覺得很不值得吧…
但女人也真的也有女人的本色, 我看著梁詠琪, 看得她老了許多。 我以前明明是喜歡鄭伊健的, 今天我卻有點同情她, 喜歡她, 因為她有她的堅持…..當年狐狸精, 到今日分手, 我突然很想去支持她…
而我的本色, 應該是, 可以睡很少的覺……

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

燥鬱症

躁鬱症,又稱為雙極性情感疾患。所謂雙極性是指這類病人會週期性地呈現躁期及鬱期,其情感會有兩個極端的變化。

躁鬱症在躁期的主要病徵為:活動量過份增加、精力旺盛、性需要增加,睡眠的需要量減少、好講話、滔滔不休、易怒、注意力分散不易集中,或易受外界的幹擾而改變話題,異常高亢興奮的心情、過份慷慨、隨意花錢或盲目地投資、思考飛躍、千頭萬緒,同時有許多念頭在腦中湧現流竄,自我過度膨脹、自許為無所不能而有誇大妄想,虛妄且不切實際。

躁鬱症在鬱期的主要病徵為:情緒低落,心情鬱悶、悲觀、消極;對任何事情都提不起興趣,缺少決心和勇氣,優柔寡斷;對自己的能力及將來毫無信心;行動遲緩、減少;常呆坐,有時整天睡在床上不動;變得沈默寡言;甚至無言,思考遲鈍,內容貧乏、簡單,缺少活力。厲害時患者
會產生「不如死了還好一點」的自殺念頭,甚至付諸於實現。

http://hk.knowledge.yahoo.com/question/?qid=7007070301569

鬱期中.......